What does the Bible say about sibling rivalry and how can I get my kids to get along? (Part 4)

In my last blog we talked about the benefits of getting up and going to the current household hotspot as soon as the sibling rivalry starts to heat up. This gives us the opportunity to do some effective in-the-middle-of-life Christian parenting which will take us closer to the home sweet home we desire.

If you’ve had the family meeting (we covered that in part two of this series) and you’ve decided to overcome the temptation to follow the armchair fling parenting style, then you’re ready to get moving.

Okay, the squabbling has started and you’re up and going. You have a few seconds of travel time to do two things, first remember the Third Parent and pray for parenting wisdom and help. Next (really valuable parenting tip) slow down and make sure you arrive on the scene calm.

Have you ever seen a fireperson, police officer or ambulance worker all flustered? No, because they know that if they do not bring the calm to the storm, the storm will get bigger. Bring the calm.

Even before you get there, be listening. The more you have heard, the better equipped you are to teach. Once you get there and your calm has brought peace, ask questions and do some more listening. The more your children feel like their concerns and viewpoint have been heard, the more they will be willing to listen.

Here is some parenting advice from Mary and Joseph’s example. The one time that Mary and Joseph were upset with Jesus as a boy, they asked him a question. The interview helps us to avoid jumping to conclusions and brings calm and clarity to the situation. (Luke 2:41 – 52) I’ve found that this Biblical parenting skill can make a huge difference in many parenting situations.

Next, and this seems small but it is incredibly important, remind them of the family meeting and motto and affirm them. This is foundational and remember the more magnificent a building is, the bigger the foundation has to be. Slow down and pour some cement and you will have a greater impact. Remind them of their own commitment during the family meeting and find something good to say about their progress so far or your confidence in their ability to get along.

Now move forward treating this as an ongoing process. You knew when you started that they would not get it overnight. So look at the situation like you would if you were teaching them to ride a bike—don’t get upset if they don’t get it at first. Just keep helping them learn how to resolve conflict and get along.

Now that the calm has been restored, you understand the situation and the foundation has been laid, it is time to instruct. Explain to your children how you think they could have handled the situation more peaceably. If this is not the first time this same situation has come up then perhaps ask them how they think they could have solved the problem differently. Once everyone agrees move on to training.

When my children were younger and first learning how to get along I would have them enact a do-over. Like getting in a time machine, they would go back and do it all over but this time the right way. As they got older, I would just discuss what they would do if they had it to do over and leave it at that. Either way though, I made sure that everyone involved had the tools and experience that they needed to do it right next time.

I know at first it sounds like a long process but once you are in the habit of doing this it becomes almost automatic like riding a bike. It’s not as easy as dropping them off at Sunday school or reading a few Bible Stories but if you stay with it, the family life and family relationship rewards are great.

In my next blog in this series we’ll talk more about what the Bible says about how children are to love each other and how you can help them understand and do it.

For more practical day-to-day ideas for strengthening your family relationships and making your home a ‘Home Sweet Home’ we recommend the Christian resource, “The Seven Mistakes Parents of Toddlers Make”

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(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Dad – your source for Christian Parenting advice)