What does the Bible say about sibling rivalry and how can I get my kids to get along? (Part 5)

This blog contains a key Christian Parenting principle that I guarantee (if employed) will go a long way to ending sibling rivalry and establishing your home sweet home.

What would you say are two things that are most often at the core of a sibling battle? Let me give you a few whining and complaining hints, “Dad, he won’t share,” Mom, she’s wearing my clothes again.” And next, “She hit me” and “He won’t leave me alone.”

There are many answers to the question I posed but most of us would agree that fighting over things and unwanted physical contact are huge aggravators in sibling relationships.

Jesus taught what has now become known as the Golden Rule, treat others the way that you would like to be treated. (Matt 7:12)

Here’s how you apply the Golden Rule to personal things and personal space. First let me back up a bit, remember Christian Parenting skills 101, instruction comes before training.

Sit your kids down and explain the new household rules regarding these issues. You, of course can use your own words and illustrations (parenting styles differ) but here’s how I did it.

I explained to my children that in the adult world no one has the right to touch another person (in any way) unless they allow it. “If an adult just decided to punch another adult really hard, the police could come and they could be charged with a crime.”

Next, I taught my children about personal property rights. “If an adult were to go to the neighbors house and take his outdoor-grill without asking, they could be arrested for stealing.” I went on to explain that no one has the right to touch, take or use someone else’s property without his or her permission.

Once my children understood each of our personal rights to person and property, it was time to apply them to family relationships. I got each of my children excited about the fact that their siblings could not hit, touch or even tickle them without their permission. They also got really excited that their siblings could also not touch, take or use any of their things without permission.

You can probably already see how this rule could be used selfishly by your children. 

So here’s where the Golden Rule must be taught. Each one of your children will agree that they enjoy appropriate contact like hugs and kisses and even a little tickling and play wrestling in your family life. They will also agree that they like having access to some of their sibling’s belongings.

So explain that no one should touch a sibling unless they know it would be okay—you shouldn’t have to ask for a hug or if a little tickling is okay. But make sure that you don’t do something to your siblings that you wouldn’t want others to do to you.

Also, what I did to help govern the level of tickling, teasing, wrestling and such is that I explained that when others want to have us stop and they ask us to, we must stop immediately because they have the right to their own person. So when one of my children said, “Please stop,” the others involved had to stop. After all, that is what they would want others to do for them.

In regards to personal property, each child needed to ask their sibling’s permission to use one of their things. These requests were not to be denied without good reason because they also would not want to be denied. Of course, (parenting advice balance alert) they were taught that it was okay (if they were playing with it) to let their sibling know that they would let them have a turn when they were finished using it.

This worked wonderfully. Again the whole family meeting and instruction/discussion part took no longer than it would take to sit through a short Sunday school lesson or to read a couple of Bible stories.

The training part took a while of having to leave what I was doing, go over to the current hot spot with reminders and help but the home values and virtues that we first discussed were eventually established.

Not only did this make our home at lot more peaceful, it gave the children a clear understanding of how their relationships outside the home should work. It helped them draw healthy boundaries and strengthened their friendships.

If you have any helpful stories or comments to add to this blog about what you or your parents did, please share them. Click here 

In the next installment of this blog series we’ll talk about two more key elements in teaching your children to get along.

For more practical and Biblical Christian Parenting ideas we recommend the Christian resource, ‘What Mary and Joseph Knew About Parenting.’  

(RICK OSBORNE / Christian Author, Speaker & Dad – your source for Christian Parenting advice)