How to get your kids to listen

In the very beginning of creation God announced that it wasn’t good for man to be alone. That announcement led to the first marriage, the first family, the first friends and the first community.

God created us to function in and be blessed by relationships. Not only in relationships with others but also in a relationship with him.

Jesus stated that the two greatest commandments were to love God and also to love others. Since God is love and therefore void of selfishness, his two greatest commandments should carry with them the greatest secrets of an awesome life and they do. Having a wonderful growing relationship with God and wonderful growing relationships with others is truly the biggest key to an awesome life. Loving and being loved.God wants us to focus on and be blessed by developing and strengthening our relationships and one way that God teaches us is by example. Jesus said that if you saw him you saw the Father and the writer of the book of Hebrews wrote that Jesus was the visible image of the invisible God.

So what can we learn from Jesus’ example. He washed his disciples feet at the last supper, a servants job, and told his disciples (us) to follow his example. He laid his life down for his family, his friends, his people, everyone. He not only gave up his life but he also lived a sacrificial life, ministering to, loving, teaching, helping, healing and giving to those around him.

In looking at these truths I’ve realized that we can gain huge insights into how relationships can be strengthened and our relational skills improved just by looking at how God relates to us and how he asks us to relate to him. Specifically, since God invented parents and also tells us that he is our heavenly parent, I’ve seen how we can learn much from God’s example that can help us be better parents.

Here’s one simple example that changed the way I spoke with my children (and others) and made a huge difference in my relationships.

In Psalm 100:4 the psalmist tells us to enter God’s gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise. Lets just look at the first part, enter his gates with thanksgiving. When we begin to speak with God about anything, he instructs us to start out by thanking him. Why, because he’s stuck on himself and his ego needs a boost? Hardly, he’s perfect and he doesn’t change. God is love, this instruction is for our good not his. So break it down, what happens when we start our prayer with honest, personal thanksgiving? It puts things in perspective and gets us focusing on God’s goodness and ability instead of our problems and thereby increases our Faith and expectancy.

Now how can we translate that relational principle to our other relationships? Picture the last time you were annoyed at your kids or your spouse, how did it go? Often what we do when something needs to be communicated with those around us is that we just jump right in and start with our agenda. If it’s something negative, the person we are aiming at will tend to become immediately defensive because they feel attacked and not affirmed. Once the object of our verbal missiles gets defensive, we up the ante to prove the validity of our complaint or issue and often an argument is born.

What if we were able to start each conversation by entering our children’s gates (their presence, interrupting their thoughts with ours) with thanksgiving. Instead of, “I thought I told you to do the dishes” how about, “Sweetheart, you’re a wonderful son and always quite helpful. thank you! I was just wondering when you were going to get the dishes done because I’d prefer it if they were done more sooner than later.”

Two things happen when you approach other people’s gates with thanksgiving. First you change your focus. Instead of just stewing on what’s bugging you, you’ve reminded yourself of good things which make you happy in your relationship. This will take the edge and accusation out of your voice. Next, your child will have no need to feel defensive because your concern has been brought to him on a pillow of love and support. Now he’ll tend to want to affirm your belief in him and respond in kindness. Instead of an argument starting that could tear down your relationship, your relationship will be strengthened.

It’s a simple concept and although it takes awhile to become consistent with, you will see a huge change in your children’s ability to listen every time you enter their gates with thankfulness.